My fantasies came through with "Tromeo & Juliet." The very concept of a punk "Romeo" is brilliant - they conceived this before Baz Luhrmann's movie - but seeing as how this is Troma we're talking about, Lloyd Kaufman could have steered this in a very wrong (read: conventional) direction. Fortunately, they managed to find a young mad genius named James Gunn to write the script, and they found some hungry young acting talent who threw themselves into the project. And Kaufman, perhaps inspired by all this, finally directed like a man more concerned with making a good movie than cashing in on the quick-buck exploitation trends that nearly ruined "Troma's War" and "Sgt. Kabukiman."

Not that "Tromeo & Juliet" isn't a quick-buck exploitation movie. It is. It's also a hilarious and inventive comedy, an art film, a soft-core porno, a gross-out gore flick, a surprisingly moving love story, and - best of all - one of the most oddly faithful Shakespeare adaptations I've ever seen. Amazingly, it's all these things all at the same time, sometimes even in the same scene (check out Murray Que's final scene, in the tattoo parlor). "Tromeo" captures the spirit, the wordplay, and the abandon that so many staid Shakespeare movies completely miss. And it's one of the most energetic and creative movies you're likely to see.

I could gush on and on about "Tromeo," for it is my favorite movie. Now that James Gunn is a big-time - although still delightfully weird - Hollywood writer, I wouldn't be surprised to see a surge in "Tromeo" sales. This is a good thing. "Tromeo" is a completely unique and exhilirating movie, and it deserves a huge audience. It's not for everyone, I suppose (the close-up shot of the nipple being pierced will pretty much clear the room of those who should have stayed away in the first place). But if you like a little trash in your art, or art in your trash, give "Tromeo" a chance.

Oh - and the budget for "Tromeo" was $350,000, or about what it costs to cater lunch for a week on your basic Adam Sandler movie.

This is not meant to be a slap at "Tromeo and Juliet," but I can't help but vent about Troma. I don't, and never did, think that doing a "take" (turning your face toward the camera with your mouth and eyes wide open - some people refer to it as "mugging") was funny, and Lloyd Kaufman is the king of this. My feeling is that when I see a "take" in a movie, I am reminded that I'm watching a movie and am not simply a bystander in some characters' lives. I say this fully knowing that Troma-produced movies are not meant to be great art and are made to appeal to a certain viewer - I think he lives somewhere in New Jersey - and God forbid I tell someone what they should do with their money, but they could at least TRY.

The ultimate example of Troma's "love of self" - besides their commercials for their merchandise that show up before AND after each of their movies on the tapes - is the movie "Tromeo and Juliet." Tromeo?!?!?! I thought the world was coming to an end when I saw "The Toxic Avenger" made into a Saturday morning cartoon and then referred to as "Toxie" every time he makes an appearance, but "Tromeo?!?!?!". I always liked "The Toxic Avenger" but with each successive sequel, it got hokier and hokier (is hokier a word?). I respected Troma about 15 or 20 years ago when they were making movies such as "Combat Shock," "Class of Nuke 'em High" and the original "Toxic Avenger" but now it seems they are doing nothing but exploiting their viewers...whose numbers appear to be dwindling. Not that there's anything wrong with capitalizing on an alleged strong point and making money, but "Ars Gratia Artis" (art for art's sake) seems to mean nothing to Troma.

Phew...all that without taking a breath. On to the movie review.

"Tromeo and Juliet"...damn, I can't get past that title...is not a terrible movie. That is, if you like tattoos, body piercing, off-the-wall violence and the 'F' word. I could go on and on about over-the-top acting, stifled camera work (what I could do with HALF that budget!), rubber-mask effects, blah, blah, blah. Other than that, it's pretty good.

The main characters, Will Keenan, who pays Tromeo...Tromeo?!?!?...and Jane Jensen, Juliet, are actually pretty good. Their attraction for each other is actually believable because neither one of them are matinee idols...above average looks, below average IQs, rebellious, etc. Their characterizations, though, by no fault of the actors (we blame the writers for this), are very uneven. One example of this is that Juliet is portrayed as virginal and naive, yet at one point she pleasures herself after calling a 900 number and in more than one scene makes out with the maid, played by Debbie Rochon.

Aaahhh, Debbie Rochon. Rochon has a certain something that I haven't been able to put my finger on. She is very good when it comes to her needing to be sexy, although if the scenes in this movie are any indication, she has shattered a bunch of my illusions (I could never understand why guys get turned on by lesbian scenes). I don't think she is as good when she need to be evil, but she is convincing in straight roles (such as the mom in "Santa Claws") and alluring roles (again, when her character is shooting the strip scenes in "Santa Claws") or when she's scared (as in "Abducted 2"). The one constant about Rochon...she sure is easy on the eyes.

A couple other actors give above-average performances. I'm getting old and my memory is failing so I don't remember their names, but the actor that plays Juliet's father does a commendable job, as does the woman who plays Tromeo's...Tromeo?!?!?!...girlfriend (before he meets Juliet), but when you see her you'll know why I like her performance. Who needs silicone! All the other performances are well over the top and on their way down the other side.

As I said, I will always bring up the positive points of the movies I review, so here goes. The overall tone of the movie is fast-paced and has a lot of energy...a lot of shouting, a lot of arms flailing, and none of that introspective acting that sometimes gets in the way of a performance.

Even with her tattoos, numerous body piercings and the darkening of her eyebrows - which I didn't understand - Rochon is a breath of fresh air - literally. When her character sees that Juliet loves Tromeo...Tromeo?!?!?!...and needs to show a hint of a conscience, she makes it believable and it tugged at my heartstrings...but I was drunk when I watched it...

One last thing about Troma itself. I'm not sure if Lloyd Kaufman thinks people watch Troma movies because of him, but his name is the only credit on the front of the video box (directed by...) and appears on the box more times than the title of the movie! Being in advertising myself, I know the theory behind promotion and selling, but the word "subtle" is not in Troma's vocabulary. OK, one more thing - I don't know why, if they shoot on 35mm, everything looks so grainy. Rent a Panavision.

Well, I think I just killed any chance I might have had of working with Troma.

I can see how someone in their early twenties would love this movie. You know, the more I think about it, perhaps this movie wasn't aimed at my demographic. I should have known better when I saw a soundtrack which included bands such as Motorhead, Superchunk, Ass Ponys and Unsane. It's sad that filmmaking at this level has come down to demographics, isn't it?